Oh Hey I Got Frustrated and Wrote This

This isn’t even jealousy

This is just anger

You know you’re not as clever as you think

Everybody knows you weren’t the one who wanted him first

I don’t understand how you can still call yourself my friend

I could be happy during the day but you ruin it all by the end

You know, it almost makes me want to laugh

You’ll pretend to understand, no doubt you’ll laugh back

To try and take the one you know I’ve wanted to call mine for years

He’s told me he wouldn’t take you anyway, so I don’t know what’s with all of these tears

I wouldn’t be able to blame you, if I knew your feelings were real

But I know you just want him because of me, and it wasn’t until me that you found appeal

I’ll pretend I don’t notice, that’s the kind of person I am

I think overall it’s the fact that I can’t have him either that really makes me sad

Just Once

Just once

Just once could mean seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years

Just once could mean a person, a place, an event

Just once could mean heartache or love

Just once could be the way their eyes crinkle when they laugh

Just once could be somewhat shaggy hair and lashes that flutter against cheeks

Just once could be eyes cast downwards in embarrassment

It could be cheeks flamed red when flattered

Just once could be snow-covered shoes lined up near the doorway

Just once could be hands bundled together, nose pressed against nose, trying to keep warm

Just once could be shaking crying or angry screaming or awkward silence or ringing laughter

Just once could be the sound of footsteps, pacing back and forth as you dance around the floor

Just once could be button-down shirts and sweaters in the rain

Just once could be the sound of your voice as you beg them to stay

Just once could be the sight of taillights as their car pulls away

Just once could be a crash in the dead of night

Just once could be a tightening in your chest or your hands shaking with fright

Just once could be the beeping of a hospital machine

Just once could be the panic when they no longer breathe

Just once could be seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years

Just once could mean heartache or love

Just once could be the memory that they left behind

But just once will never be the wishes that they were still here upon stars in the sky

Bus Rides and Four Walls

So. I’ve been thinking again.

This whole I-have-four-walls thing. That a lot of people have, not just me. I think that maybe protecting yourself may not be so bad, but you need to let those walls down at least once in your life. You need to fall completely in love, at least once. You need to hurt badly, at least once. Maybe not in the same time and not in that order, but, because you’re human, you need to stop hiding, be fearless, and get in touch with your emotions.

Let me put this in story term. When you’re on the bus, you learn to sit down at any seat possible. Sometimes you’ll be the first one in that seat, and everyone else that comes on after you will look for another place, any other person but you to sit next to. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. I mean, you get the seat all to yourself. Don’t have to smoosh your backpack against your chest anymore, instead you can seat it next to you and have loads of leg room. And it’s nice, you tell yourself; no one to worry about. Deep down, though, it doesn’t feel good at all. It feels… lonely.

Then there’s those days when someone does sit next to you, and there’s nothing you can do to make them move– free country and all. You can get a variety of people, and you have no pick in which variety they’ll be, because life throws one at you, and that’s who you get for the ride.

You can get people like Elisa, who will simply sit next to you for the sake of not standing, who talks to the people across the rows. These are the people who try their best to pretend you don’t exist.

You could also get people like David, who will pretend you don’t exist unless one day he wants something from you (such as a phone number), and you don’t even know the guy’s name yet.

Then there’s people like Laura. Laura is someone you can’t help but let in, because you’re human and deep down you want a friend, despite all you say. She accepts you, too, but only off and on. When she’s with her friends, she doesn’t know you. You are the one who has to start the conversation over and over again, until eventually you just give up and decide that if she wants to talk to you, she will.

Then, sometimes, you just might get an Oliver. You see Oliver every day, because he lives only a few houses down from you, and you always mean to say “hi”, but you can never find the guts to, until one day, you think of something not so corny, such as, “So what did you think of testing yesterday?”. And then he’ll reply with an, “Oh, it was boring. But easy.” Then a funny thing will happen: he’ll keep talking to you, for the whole ride to school, and for once, you won’t be the only one trying to think of something to say. He’ll be a funny guy, and talk about the most random things, and ask you questions back. Then, an even funnier thing will occur: he’ll ask you your name.

When you let down your walls and let people in, putting yourself out in the open to your emotions, you can have any of these people sit by you. Sometimes, you may have an Elisa, or a David, or a Laura, who maybe you wish had just left you alone, and you regret opening up to in the first place. However, you may just get an Oliver. In the end, it won’t really matter, because in reality, you know that no matter who sits by you, it would be better than sitting alone.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time…

There’s so much hope in such a sentence.

It was a dark and stormy night…

The start of a new story. Anything could happen. You might be beginning a sad, depressing story, or a fun, exciting, good-outcome story. It might be one with an important theme about the meaning of life or a completely useless one that you end up wishing you hadn’t wasted your time on.

Once upon a time…

Some day, someone is going to say that about you.

Once upon a time, there was a person born into the world who…

What do you want to be said after that? Only you can be the one to decide whether it will be negative or positive. So while you’re here, make sure your Once upon a time is great, and just have you want it to be.

Lost

I’m lost
And I’m scared
And cold.

I think that I should stay in one place,
Until someone finds me,
Like I learned I should do when I was little
If I was to ever get lost

Problem is
I’ve been doing that for a while now
And it’s not working

I realize now that
If I’m ever to find my way again
I need to do it myself
And stop waiting for someone else to help me

Trouble with that is
I think by doing that
I’ll only get lost more

It looks like I might be wandering around in the dark
For a while