What’s the August Rush?

Whoa. How the frex is it already almost the end of June? That’s insanity. You know what’s even crazier? My mind, because I already can’t stop thinking about going back to school. To be honest, I was thinking about it on the last day of my sophomore year. Despite all the happiness and slight freedom I felt as I left the geometry classroom and ran out the school doors, I couldn’t help but feel dread because I knew that all too soon I would have to come back.

This summer is making things even harder. I’m having such a great time! I’m staying in my room, getting up when I please, watching films and drinking tea or coffee or Diet Coke, and I’m writing and reading. If I’m not doing those things, I’m getting up early, but for a good reason. Like, for instance, I got up on Thursday morning because I went to Summerfest. Good thing we did get there early, too, because I saw Pentatonix and MET AND TALKED TO MITCH GRASSI AND IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF ALL TIME (picture below). I also later on got to go see THE LADY GAGA and she was so amazing (despite the long and torturous wait we had beforehand). It was SUCH a fun day. My aunt and I had a blast. I’m also going to more concerts soon, so there’s that. And there are days when my mother will wake me up to go driving, and we’ll just drive around the city playing Fall Out Boy and talking and sipping coffee. I love these days. Sure, I still struggle with some of the same things that I do while in school. It’s not like because school stopped I was suddenly problem free and always happy everyday. There are some days where I get to sleep until I please and that will be around 1 in the afternoon because I can’t bear the thought of getting out of bed and facing reality. Which is kind of pathetic, I know, but still. I am not welcoming August. Let’s hope that this summer drags out!

Enough about me. How is the summer break going for everyone else? What are some of your plans?

Oh, and like I mentioned, here is the picture of me with Mitch (he was so nice too oh my goodness; I would go into details but don’t want to bore you all):

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Daring Enough?

I don’t think I’ve ever had as hard of a time with writing something as I have with this book.

I will sit here on my creaky bed, leaning up against my propped pillows as I stare at my computer screen and/or notebook, wondering if I should just press delete after highlighting the whole last paragraph or so. I worry about offending people, mainly. I’m dealing with writing about psychiatric wards (of sorts) which is sort of a big no-no in the writing world, I’ve begun to notice, even though nobody has actually come out and said it. It’s not that I don’t have a lot of knowledge about it, because I do. My mother was a nurse in a psychiatric unit for a while, and I’ve spoken for a good two hours or more to someone close to me that was actually a patient in a psych ward back in the sixties or around that time, and they’ve both given me very helpful information and answered any questions I had. I think what I’m really scared of is different audiences that will criticize me for how I wrote different scenes or what those scenes contain. I have scenarios that talk about things that maybe not everyone wants to hear about or are really touchy about. Here’s the thing, though: when you’re writing about a psych ward, you’re going to have characters with touchy subjects in their lives. That’s just something I have to deal with.

When I am about to delete sections of the book that I am worried someone may not like, I remember what one of my main characters has said (as cliche as that may be): “Well, you’re supposed to write for yourself.” Right you are, Z. I have found that if  I want to write anything anywhere near decent quality, I cannot sit there sipping my tea and debating whether or not a stranger I don’t know will get ticked off by the words on the page. I have to write what I want to write and how I want the story to play out for now. When I’m finished getting through writing it, I can worry about changing things because they’re not necessary to the story and/or because my audience won’t like it. Until then, I must march through.

Writing Movies

I feel like, if this book I’m currently working on is ever published, I should have a whole page dedicated to thanking the movie Julie & Julia. I have watched this movie so many times during my writing endeavors. I don’t know what about it makes me want to watch it over and over. Maybe it’s because it’s a very inspirational story, maybe it has to do with New York and France (two of my favorite places), maybe it has to do with Amy Adams (adore her), maybe that it has to do with writing, or maybe it’s the fact that every time my mother and I watch this we put our lives aside for a little while and enjoy it together and I remember that.

It’s not necessarily the best movie to be watching over and over, because every time I watch this I want to eat food. Looking at these actors and actresses doesn’t help, either, because they all maintain their same weight even though they’re eating all of this heavy cream and whatnot, so for some reason I get it into my mind that I too can eat bread and desserts and whatnot and maintain the same weight.

It’s gotten to the point that I’ve watched this while writing so many times that I’m starting to hear Amy Adams reading off my main character’s narrations.

Anyway, I will leave you with one of my very favorite quotes from the movie: “You are the butter to my bread, and the breath to my life.”

Getting Past the Scene

I’m having a mini-crisis.

I’ve been working on this one scene in my WIP, just this one, but it has already taken three days for me to write it. Within these three days, I’ve written about four and a half pages, which is not acceptable for summer break in my book. I should be getting a lot more done.

It’s not the I have writer’s block, which is usually the case. Normally, I sit there knowing how the book will end but not what the next step towards getting there is. I don’t even have that as an excuse this time, though. I know exactly what’s going to happen, and I can see it like a movie clear as day in my head. I even made an outline last week (which I never, ever do) of what will happen from now until the end of the book. I’m not bored, either (if it’s not writer’s block, it’s boredom). I’ve been having the ambition and the writing crave every day lately.

I think it’s that I’m hopeless while writing. I look back at older parts of the manuscript, and I get this sick pang in my stomach. The words I am writing are nowhere near publishing material. I supposed I am feeling so disheartened that I’m stalling finishing the story so that I don’t have to face disappointment.

I can’t be thinking like that, though. It’s not good. I’m just going to wire my brain to remember that I’m not writing to get published right now, I’m writing because I like to write.

I hope that everyone else’s writing endeavours are going well! Keep on keeping on, lovelies.