Random Compliments

The boy mimicked for me to take my earbud out as he did the same.

“I think your hoodie is really amazing. It’s awesome,” he said to me.

My face lit up. “Well, thank you.”

He was at the doors now. “Have a great day.”

“You too!”

He’ll never know this, but that gave me something to smile about for the rest of the day.

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The Big Moment– Going to See the Divergent Premiere

So I went to see Divergent last night.

For me, this was a huge deal. I’ve been waiting to see this film since the bloody book came out, when nobody even knew there was going to be a movie. I just wanted to see a film adaptation that badly. I’m sure there were a lot of other fans out there that wanted to see it as badly as I did. I’m not trying to say that I love this series more than anyone.

I just wanted to say why.

I love to read, of course. Granted I haven’t had much time to in the past few weeks due to school, but I do love it with a passion. I usually read novels from the YA genre, which included stories like The Hunger Games and The Mortal Instruments and whatnot. These books provided me with a sense of escapism, which I very much craved. When I would put the book down and snap back to reality, however, I would feel somewhat upset. As much as I love the girl heroines (as main characters, especially, so I can get the perspective from their point of view), I couldn’t relate to any of them, and it made me sad. All of these girls were fearless and tough and selfless and brave. They always knew the right thing to do. And I couldn’t relate to that. I’m not any of those things, no matter how much I would like to be.

In 2011, my teacher called me over and told me she had a new book that I might enjoy. She handed me a copy, and I looked doubtfully at the cover. It wasn’t something I would’ve picked up on my own. “I think you’ll love it,” she said, though, so I opened up the pages that night.

I did love it. I was freaking obsessed with it. I finished it that night and went to school the next day on no sleep. I didn’t tell my teacher I had finished it, though, because I wanted to keep it for a while longer and savor the story, go back and reread some of my favorite parts before returning it to her. One of the things I Ioved the most was the main character, Tris. Tris (originally Beatrice) was nothing special. She was scrawny and weak. She wasn’t selfless, and she didn’t immediately meet up to her desires. But it was okay, because eventually, she worked to become most of those things.

Call me stupid, but I found that I could relate to Tris. Like, a lot. I change my name to a shortened version, and I’m not completely selfless, as much as I would love to say that I am. In fact, I’m almost a very selfish person. I don’t meet up to my own desires, because there are things I want so desperately to do but don’t seem to have the talent for. I’m a weak person, not strong like I wish, both emotionally and physically. And, like Tris, I am uncomfortable with my body, though it’s definitely not because I’m too skinny.

Tris brought me hope and ambition back in 2011 and she still continues to today. Tris gave me the desire to be brave, something I really needed. She made me feel that, even if I’m nothing spectacular at the moment, I could work toward something better, become the vision of me I would rather be, with a little sweat and blood. Seeing a real Tris up on the screen in front of my eyes smacked those things in my face all over again. Shailene gave me my worries, but she really did a fantastic job playing the part of one of my role models. For that matter, the whole movie did a fantastic job. At some parts I wondered if somehow the makers had seen into my mind and how I pictured the settings because they were so exact to how I imagined them. At other parts I was pleasantly surprised. They really did a great job delivering the perfect film adaptation of the book I so love, and I’m so grateful for that.

Now, when can I go see it again?

Skeleton Clique

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So I got this scarf as a late Christmas present. And I love it. Like, a lot. My neighbor stopped me while I was on a walk and was like, “Hey, I made you this so you can add it to your Skeleton Clique collection.” I am completely obsessed with it and plan to wear it to the twenty one pilots concert in April (which oh my gosh I am so excited for!!).

Bus Rides and Four Walls

So. I’ve been thinking again.

This whole I-have-four-walls thing. That a lot of people have, not just me. I think that maybe protecting yourself may not be so bad, but you need to let those walls down at least once in your life. You need to fall completely in love, at least once. You need to hurt badly, at least once. Maybe not in the same time and not in that order, but, because you’re human, you need to stop hiding, be fearless, and get in touch with your emotions.

Let me put this in story term. When you’re on the bus, you learn to sit down at any seat possible. Sometimes you’ll be the first one in that seat, and everyone else that comes on after you will look for another place, any other person but you to sit next to. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. I mean, you get the seat all to yourself. Don’t have to smoosh your backpack against your chest anymore, instead you can seat it next to you and have loads of leg room. And it’s nice, you tell yourself; no one to worry about. Deep down, though, it doesn’t feel good at all. It feels… lonely.

Then there’s those days when someone does sit next to you, and there’s nothing you can do to make them move– free country and all. You can get a variety of people, and you have no pick in which variety they’ll be, because life throws one at you, and that’s who you get for the ride.

You can get people like Elisa, who will simply sit next to you for the sake of not standing, who talks to the people across the rows. These are the people who try their best to pretend you don’t exist.

You could also get people like David, who will pretend you don’t exist unless one day he wants something from you (such as a phone number), and you don’t even know the guy’s name yet.

Then there’s people like Laura. Laura is someone you can’t help but let in, because you’re human and deep down you want a friend, despite all you say. She accepts you, too, but only off and on. When she’s with her friends, she doesn’t know you. You are the one who has to start the conversation over and over again, until eventually you just give up and decide that if she wants to talk to you, she will.

Then, sometimes, you just might get an Oliver. You see Oliver every day, because he lives only a few houses down from you, and you always mean to say “hi”, but you can never find the guts to, until one day, you think of something not so corny, such as, “So what did you think of testing yesterday?”. And then he’ll reply with an, “Oh, it was boring. But easy.” Then a funny thing will happen: he’ll keep talking to you, for the whole ride to school, and for once, you won’t be the only one trying to think of something to say. He’ll be a funny guy, and talk about the most random things, and ask you questions back. Then, an even funnier thing will occur: he’ll ask you your name.

When you let down your walls and let people in, putting yourself out in the open to your emotions, you can have any of these people sit by you. Sometimes, you may have an Elisa, or a David, or a Laura, who maybe you wish had just left you alone, and you regret opening up to in the first place. However, you may just get an Oliver. In the end, it won’t really matter, because in reality, you know that no matter who sits by you, it would be better than sitting alone.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time…

There’s so much hope in such a sentence.

It was a dark and stormy night…

The start of a new story. Anything could happen. You might be beginning a sad, depressing story, or a fun, exciting, good-outcome story. It might be one with an important theme about the meaning of life or a completely useless one that you end up wishing you hadn’t wasted your time on.

Once upon a time…

Some day, someone is going to say that about you.

Once upon a time, there was a person born into the world who…

What do you want to be said after that? Only you can be the one to decide whether it will be negative or positive. So while you’re here, make sure your Once upon a time is great, and just have you want it to be.

Thank You for Goodbye

A lot of people in my life have left me, in one way or another. Don’t worry, this isn’t a post all about my complaints. I’m not here to depress you.

Most of the time, the person just cuts off all communication with me, without saying why. Other times, they’ll drag me out, occasionally replying to my texts, but with no meaning behind their words. I thought these were the only two ways.

I’m not stupid. I realize I’m a very difficult person to be friends with. When people want out, I usually let them (yes, I am aware this sort of make me a coward; I wish it wasn’t that way), and even though I’m sad, I don’t hold it against them (unless they do it in a mean way and suddenly become this person who makes fun of me like our friendship didn’t exist and they never talked to me before). It’s not a big deal. It hurts, but I understand (sometimes).

However, I had a friend who recently did something different. We talked everyday, and he seemed to genuinely enjoy our conversations as well. Anyway, recently things have come up and changed, and he doesn’t talk to me anymore. I thought I never would again, but then one Friday afternoon he proved me wrong.

To put things simply, he told me goodbye without actually saying it. I didn’t realize this fact until later, about an hour after I got home. It was a nice change.

Basically this whole post was to say I appreciated that he told me goodbye. I hope I didn’t confuse anybody too much… Can anybody relate to my situation?

Catchphrases

If you know me, even just for a little while, you’ll figure out that I like to use catchphrases, most of them a bit odd. Some completely made up. Some of my most common ones include:

• “Geezus on a boat” (my version of “oh my god”, I guess)
• “love”
• “peasants”
• “I’d like to fly” (meaning I wish I was somewhere else)
• “oh my stars” (another version of “oh my god”)

It’s just a habit of mine. The thing I don’t understand is why people genuinely cannot stand to talk to me just for this reason. How are my catchphrases any more annoying than “swag”? It’s not like I’m using them every two seconds, so what’s the big deal?

What’s your opinion on this? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear what others think.

Just an Update to Say Hello and Whatnot

Hey everyone! I jut wanted to say thank you to those people who have followed me! There may not be too many but I didn’t expect to get any at all so I really enjoy knowing you guys like this! Also, I’m going to start posting “songfics” that I write occasionally on here, but in addition I will be posting them to the new page as well, so you can just click on that and read through them if you want instead of scrolling through the home page trying to find them. Any suggestions on making them better are appreciated, if you decide to take a look at them! The first one is When the Day Met the Night, and I’ll be posting it in a second. Hope you enjoy!