Well this is… Different

Well, it’s been a while. I think. My sense of time has gotten completely jumbled for about a month and a half.

So, news? Not much happening. I’m looking for an adult to read my finished manuscript because I would really like to have that opinion before trying to do anything with it. I also am completely at a loss when it comes to trying to get the thing published, because I have no idea where to start. I know that I should try and get an agent first, but I don’t even know how to begin doing that.

Ugh.

In brighter news, I’ve picked one of my plot lines to work on as my next Big Project. I have this board, you see, hanging in my room. On this board, I stick post-it notes and little scripts of paper and napkins. What these are are story ideas, and I write them down as soon as they come to me, and usually scramble for the nearest writing source (which is sometimes a napkin from the table of Applebee’s). I store them there for later, when I’m not as busy and need a new project. Since one manuscript has been completed, I’ve moved on to start on my new one. The topic of this new story? Witches.

Yes. I went from psych wards to witches. And it is weird.

I also have this major change of narration. The character is totally different from my previous manuscript’s narrator, and it’s like having an identity crisis. I’m also in present-day on this new one, instead of hundreds of years into the future. I do like challenges, though, so that’s why I picked this plot. Currently, there is a very, very rough draft of it that’s only about 1/8 complete. Hopefully I’ll have a free weekend soon and can stay at an aunt’s or grandparent’s or even friend’s house so I can sit down and just work on it.

Also, I got a twitter account, if anyone is interested: @LenaJax

Hope everyone’s start of autumn is going swiftly!

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I Have Actually Completed Something…. Something to do with Writing!

So….

The other day I finished the first draft of my manuscript!

This is super exciting for me because I’ve been working on it whenever I can (which wasn’t much for a while there, school and whatnot) for about the past four months, and usually if something goes on longer for two weeks (besides a really good television show… but not even then sometimes), I give up on it. It was nice to proceed and actually finish something for once!

Yesterday (the day after I officially finished the draft), I took a day away from writing to regroup. I finished the book I had been reading and started a painting I’ve been putting off for a while. I also got dressed and went outside, which is a huge accomplishment that I feel very proud of, even though the entire time I was out I was thinking about going back home.

This weekend I won’t be doing much writing, because I’m going on vacation from Saturday until Tuesday (hooray for a suburban packed with chatty female family members on a way to a concert), but I’m going to start revising today anyway. Now that the first milestone is complete, I have this rush to get to the end so that I can have a clean and polished final product to hold in my hands. It’ll be nice having something to keep my mind distracted, because lately I have been getting very overwhelmed at random times and I breakdown, and that’s rather annoying/tiring.

So, without further ado, on to press play on Julie & Julia as I begin revising!

What’s the August Rush?

Whoa. How the frex is it already almost the end of June? That’s insanity. You know what’s even crazier? My mind, because I already can’t stop thinking about going back to school. To be honest, I was thinking about it on the last day of my sophomore year. Despite all the happiness and slight freedom I felt as I left the geometry classroom and ran out the school doors, I couldn’t help but feel dread because I knew that all too soon I would have to come back.

This summer is making things even harder. I’m having such a great time! I’m staying in my room, getting up when I please, watching films and drinking tea or coffee or Diet Coke, and I’m writing and reading. If I’m not doing those things, I’m getting up early, but for a good reason. Like, for instance, I got up on Thursday morning because I went to Summerfest. Good thing we did get there early, too, because I saw Pentatonix and MET AND TALKED TO MITCH GRASSI AND IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF ALL TIME (picture below). I also later on got to go see THE LADY GAGA and she was so amazing (despite the long and torturous wait we had beforehand). It was SUCH a fun day. My aunt and I had a blast. I’m also going to more concerts soon, so there’s that. And there are days when my mother will wake me up to go driving, and we’ll just drive around the city playing Fall Out Boy and talking and sipping coffee. I love these days. Sure, I still struggle with some of the same things that I do while in school. It’s not like because school stopped I was suddenly problem free and always happy everyday. There are some days where I get to sleep until I please and that will be around 1 in the afternoon because I can’t bear the thought of getting out of bed and facing reality. Which is kind of pathetic, I know, but still. I am not welcoming August. Let’s hope that this summer drags out!

Enough about me. How is the summer break going for everyone else? What are some of your plans?

Oh, and like I mentioned, here is the picture of me with Mitch (he was so nice too oh my goodness; I would go into details but don’t want to bore you all):

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Daring Enough?

I don’t think I’ve ever had as hard of a time with writing something as I have with this book.

I will sit here on my creaky bed, leaning up against my propped pillows as I stare at my computer screen and/or notebook, wondering if I should just press delete after highlighting the whole last paragraph or so. I worry about offending people, mainly. I’m dealing with writing about psychiatric wards (of sorts) which is sort of a big no-no in the writing world, I’ve begun to notice, even though nobody has actually come out and said it. It’s not that I don’t have a lot of knowledge about it, because I do. My mother was a nurse in a psychiatric unit for a while, and I’ve spoken for a good two hours or more to someone close to me that was actually a patient in a psych ward back in the sixties or around that time, and they’ve both given me very helpful information and answered any questions I had. I think what I’m really scared of is different audiences that will criticize me for how I wrote different scenes or what those scenes contain. I have scenarios that talk about things that maybe not everyone wants to hear about or are really touchy about. Here’s the thing, though: when you’re writing about a psych ward, you’re going to have characters with touchy subjects in their lives. That’s just something I have to deal with.

When I am about to delete sections of the book that I am worried someone may not like, I remember what one of my main characters has said (as cliche as that may be): “Well, you’re supposed to write for yourself.” Right you are, Z. I have found that if  I want to write anything anywhere near decent quality, I cannot sit there sipping my tea and debating whether or not a stranger I don’t know will get ticked off by the words on the page. I have to write what I want to write and how I want the story to play out for now. When I’m finished getting through writing it, I can worry about changing things because they’re not necessary to the story and/or because my audience won’t like it. Until then, I must march through.

Getting Past the Scene

I’m having a mini-crisis.

I’ve been working on this one scene in my WIP, just this one, but it has already taken three days for me to write it. Within these three days, I’ve written about four and a half pages, which is not acceptable for summer break in my book. I should be getting a lot more done.

It’s not the I have writer’s block, which is usually the case. Normally, I sit there knowing how the book will end but not what the next step towards getting there is. I don’t even have that as an excuse this time, though. I know exactly what’s going to happen, and I can see it like a movie clear as day in my head. I even made an outline last week (which I never, ever do) of what will happen from now until the end of the book. I’m not bored, either (if it’s not writer’s block, it’s boredom). I’ve been having the ambition and the writing crave every day lately.

I think it’s that I’m hopeless while writing. I look back at older parts of the manuscript, and I get this sick pang in my stomach. The words I am writing are nowhere near publishing material. I supposed I am feeling so disheartened that I’m stalling finishing the story so that I don’t have to face disappointment.

I can’t be thinking like that, though. It’s not good. I’m just going to wire my brain to remember that I’m not writing to get published right now, I’m writing because I like to write.

I hope that everyone else’s writing endeavours are going well! Keep on keeping on, lovelies.

The Ones Looking For Answers

 

“I said take this for what it is: I think you’re a tad bit prejudice against the ones like us who are looking for the answers.”

The above quote is a line from one of my favorite songs: Time Travel by Never Shout Never. I’m listening to it as I write this, and it got me thinking.

Maybe I’m missing the meaning of this song completely, but to me it’s rather accurate. There are so many people out there in the world who want to be something more than “average”. Maybe not as far as to continuously look for the “meaning of life” and whatnot, but to live it to the fullest. They want to know that there is something more out there for them than a small office job in the local insurance agency (not that there is anything wrong with having that career). They want to see the world, meet people, and leave behind a mark in the Earth when they’re dead and gone. It doesn’t really matter what way, exactly, they want to do it; by being a rockstar or some sort of musician, writer, inventor, actress, actor, healer, whatever. These people want to get the most out of the world.

Yet, for some reason, it seems to me that these people, myself included, keep getting rejected by society for this reason. It takes a lot of reaching out of our comfort zones to accomplish these careers, and when we do step even the tiniest bit away, it doesn’t always work out. Nobody wants to sell our work, and we get upset and quit. Maybe you’re the sensitive type (like me) and one hate message can send you overboard. When you’re one of those who are “looking for the answers”, you’re setting yourself up to get a lot of hate mail. We can get scared for our safety- just who, exactly, is looking at our videos on YouTube? Can they stalk me to my house? What if someone can track me to my exact location from the recent video I posted? Our minds start to freak the hell out, and we get overwhelmed and want to quit. Then there is always the original ol’ rejection that has been around for years: you’re just not good enough.

No matter what the reason, sometimes it seems like “the man in the sky” is telling us to stop trying by using events in life, like he’s saying that we just need to stay in our dead little town and live there, because that’s where we really belong. For some people, though, that’s not enough. They will never truly be happy with not having done anything spectacular with their life- whether it’s discovering the cure to cancer (I wish) or playing the guitar solo on stage that you dream about every night.

So why is it that us curious ones keep getting pushed away by the means of life? It would seem that our intentions are more likely to turn out for the best, so why is there all of this danger in wanting to do something different?

Maybe the man in the sky isn’t telling us that we should give up and go home, though. What if he is telling us that we have to fight for something that we really desire if we ever want to reach it, because if the privledges of life were handed to you on a silver platter, it really wouldn’t be anything special, in the end.

Thanks for reading my post, please feel free to leave a response of your own in the comment section. 🙂

And for your listening ears to hear, here is the link to the song I mentioned in this post:

An Introduction, Perhaps?

Hello there. My name is Lena Sofia (first name, not first and last). I’m very happy you’re visiting my blog. You see, this is where most bloggers give you a little insight as to what to expect from their website, but in all honesty, I don’t think there will be a definite theme to mine. I will post pictures I take, ramblings I write, and little stories about my day (that is what a blog post is, isn’t it?).

So, stay a while. Maybe you’ll find something interesting enough to read/watch/look at. You just never know.