There’s a Swingset

There’s a swingset out back, next to the large jungle gym that has the rock-climbing wall. This swingset is not new. It has been behind this school for years and years, and it creaks if you lean on the poles. But it captures the kids’ hearts, more than anything else on the playground. The recess bell rings, and then you see them, the children running all at once, trying to be the person that gets to the swings first. Everyone wants the blue swing, you see, because it’s the highest one, the one that sways the farthest. I am one of those kids running, my hair in two braids and my socks pulled high. I don’t get the blue swing, but the yellow is just fine. I swing with the other kids, all of us laughing and trying to touch the pine tree branches. Only Elijah does, he’s the only one who ever can.

I’m still one of those kids, but now my hair is in a tight ponytail and my sleeves fall pass my fingertips. I don’t get the blue swing, but the red is alright. We all try to knock out the pine cones as we kick the branches. Only Elijah does, he’s the only one who ever can, and it makes Marc mad. I’m still laughing with the others, but now they leave the swing next to me empty, and I’m not sure why.

I’m still one of those kids, but now my long dark hair is let down and I don’t feel comfortable in my too-tight jeans (but I wear them, because all the other kids are). I don’t run towards the playground anymore, I just walk. None of the kids will let me have the blue swing, anyway, or any swing at all for that matter. I watch as the girls giggle to one another as they sway, talking about boys. I sit underneath the rock wall and watch as they all try to jump the highest. They try to hit the highest pine tree branch as the soar through the air, and I bet if Elijah was still here he would be the only one who could do it. Marc comes close, but he can’t quite reach.

I’m no longer one of those kids. I’m only here because I’m volunteering in the kitchen for one day. My hair is chopped short and I don’t wear any socks with my shoes. I sit at the blue swing, and I sway back and forth, watching the little kids scramble for a seat. The set creaks more than ever, so much I worry it might fall apart at any second. I swing with the little kids, and they don’t mind. We all are laughing and trying to touch the pine tree branches. Only I can do it, and for once I’m the only one who ever can.


Big Hype

Am I the only person who, when they’ve decided on an idea to write about, gets way too excited about the whole thing before even getting started? What I mean by that is: you’ve only written a few paragraphs, a single rough draft chapter at most, and you already have a soundtrack planned out and who would play your characters in the movie adaptation? I do that way more often than not (aka, I do it every time), and I’m currently suffering from this big hype right now. All I want is fan art of my characters, but my readers wouldn’t even know what to draw because I haven’t written any information yet!

In other news, I wanted to let you all know that I might not be posting as much as I usually do because I’m in kind of a tough place right now. I don’t always feel like writing happy little blog post with lots of exclamation points when I’m crying my eyes out about school. I won’t disappear like last time, though! Spring break is soon…

What’s the August Rush?

Whoa. How the frex is it already almost the end of June? That’s insanity. You know what’s even crazier? My mind, because I already can’t stop thinking about going back to school. To be honest, I was thinking about it on the last day of my sophomore year. Despite all the happiness and slight freedom I felt as I left the geometry classroom and ran out the school doors, I couldn’t help but feel dread because I knew that all too soon I would have to come back.

This summer is making things even harder. I’m having such a great time! I’m staying in my room, getting up when I please, watching films and drinking tea or coffee or Diet Coke, and I’m writing and reading. If I’m not doing those things, I’m getting up early, but for a good reason. Like, for instance, I got up on Thursday morning because I went to Summerfest. Good thing we did get there early, too, because I saw Pentatonix and MET AND TALKED TO MITCH GRASSI AND IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF ALL TIME (picture below). I also later on got to go see THE LADY GAGA and she was so amazing (despite the long and torturous wait we had beforehand). It was SUCH a fun day. My aunt and I had a blast. I’m also going to more concerts soon, so there’s that. And there are days when my mother will wake me up to go driving, and we’ll just drive around the city playing Fall Out Boy and talking and sipping coffee. I love these days. Sure, I still struggle with some of the same things that I do while in school. It’s not like because school stopped I was suddenly problem free and always happy everyday. There are some days where I get to sleep until I please and that will be around 1 in the afternoon because I can’t bear the thought of getting out of bed and facing reality. Which is kind of pathetic, I know, but still. I am not welcoming August. Let’s hope that this summer drags out!

Enough about me. How is the summer break going for everyone else? What are some of your plans?

Oh, and like I mentioned, here is the picture of me with Mitch (he was so nice too oh my goodness; I would go into details but don’t want to bore you all):



He turned to her, a small smile slightly sketched across his face. “You’ll be okay.”

She turned to him. “How can you be so sure of that?”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Well, I’m not, but I’ll be here to help if you need it.”

That’s what she heard, but that’s not what he remembers.

She has always read too much into things, and this was no exception. As much as she cares about him, he will never realize she’s there. But that’s okay. He still helps her, even if he doesn’t realize it, and that’s enough, because as pathetic as she feels about it he still helps her get through the day.

And she will always be thankful for that.